it’s all in how you look at things

[This was written as an email reply to an early morning chat from my aunt.]

Hello! I am sorry to hear that you were stressed at such an early hour this morning. It turns out I was stressed at about the same time you were. However, rather than being kid-related, mine was from being awoken by the sounds of nature at 5:57 – if sounds of nature include the startlingly loud sounds of a cat retching, followed by his immediate run to the litter box (located in my bedroom for his convenience!) for an intense morning session of various sounds you don’t want to hear coming from an animal at the foot of your bed at 5:58 in the morning. (This litter box run is typical after he throws up, because unlike Good Things, everyone knows Cat Issues come in groups of two.)

So without getting into too much disgusting detail, suffice it to say that sometimes after a trip to the litter box, a long-haired, fluffy-tailed cat can run into some difficulties, primarily the one called Poop Where Poop Should Not Be. This generally entails (no pun intended) one person (usually me) corralling the cat into our tiny bathroom with plastic gloves and baby wipes. Then said person (who just woke up moments before and is trying to do what needs to be done while letting as little light into her eyes as possible, in hopes that More Sleep may yet be attainable) must use one hand to lightly scratch the cat on his back, dangerously near the (appropriately-named) Danger Zone, in order to convince the cat against his will to lift up his Hind End so cleaning can commence. (Later, recalling the look on the cat’s face during this stage will be extremely humorous, as he is generally very unwilling to lift up his Hind End but is betrayed by his Cat Instincts, which direct him to lift up his Hind End any time someone scratches that particular area of his back.)

After the Cleaning of the Hind End is finished, the cat slinks off to some corner of the house (for some reason, the kitchen floor is usually preferred) to be miffed, and to try and clean the baby wipe smell off (because as everyone knows, baby wipes are way worse than Poop Where Poop Should Not Be), leaving said person to clean up the Aftermath, all the while maintaining a pitiful amount of misguided belief that More Sleep may still be achievable.

So there is the story of my morning prior to the 6 o’clock hour. I hope several things. First, that you were not eating or drinking during the reading of it. Second, that you were entertained despite being disgusted. Third, that your day has by now already improved and things are going well. Fourth, that the rest of your day will be awesome and light-hearted and happy and entertaining and non-stressful and full of good things to eat (once you forget all about this email, of course).

With love,

She Who Was Not, Of Course, Able to Go Back to Sleep

Behold, I bring you answers to the questions that have remained unanswered for centuries. Or at least like 20 years. Something around there.

Q: How do I get you alone?

A: Wait ‘til I go somewhere alone. This is really not that hard.

Q: How am I supposed to live without you?

A: The same way you’ve been living up to now. Just, you know, by yourself.

Q: Don’t – don’t you want me?

A: No.

Q: When can I see you again?

A: Next Thursday afternoon at 12 minutes past 3:00 at the Shoney’s in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Q: Have you ever seen the rain?

A: Yes.

Q: Who’ll stop the rain?

A: You’ve kinda got a weird fascination with rain. You might want to see somebody about that.

Q: Show me the meaning of being lonely.

A: lonely (adjective)
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.

Q: What hurts the most?

A: Quite possibly this.

A selection of the songs that have played in my head (many of them on repeat, sometimes on shuffle) over the last 48 hours. In order. Songs that switched tracks before I was able to write them down are omitted, but I think this is a fairly representative sample. Each song, regardless of the number of times it may have played, is included only once in an effort to preserve your sanity.

Move (MercyMe)

Change the World (Eric Clapton)

Heartbreak Hotel (Elvis Presley)

From a Distance (Bette Midler)

American Pie (Don McLean)

Lonely No More (Rob Thomas)

Stuck (Stacie Orrico)

Who Will Save Your Soul (Jewel)

Can’t Erase It (Jars of Clay)

I’ll Be Home With Bells On (Gaither Vocal Band version, originally sung by Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers)

The Remedy (I Won’t Worry) (Jason Mraz)

Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)

Get Ready (Rare Earth)

Edelweiss (The Sound of Music)

Immediately followed by the actual song “The Sound of Music.”

Baby Come Back (Player)

September (Earth, Wind & Fire, though I also love the Pomplamoose version)

All Night Long (Lionel Richie)

Hero (Enrique Iglesias)

Soon followed by Hero (Chad Kroeger of Nickelback).

Hey, Soul Sister (Train)

Lean On Me (Bill Withers)

The Best Day (Taylor Swift)

As you can see, my brain does not discriminate between genres (or eras).

It’s not often that a book sends me to the dictionary these days – possibly because I don’t have all that much free time to read, but that’s beside the point. The point is that a few days ago, a mere 438-page volume had me reaching for my laptop no less than 26 times. Then I figured if I was going to be learning, so were you, and now here we are. (Side note: I had a good idea of what most all of these words were, just by context, but they intrigued me enough to want to know more. Others, like #3, I knew but wanted to know their etymology.)

1. Leat – an artificial watercourse or aqueduct dug into the ground, especially one supplying water to a watermill or its pond

2. Chandler - a person or shop/store that sells equipment for ships; maker or seller of candles

3. Vicar - a person acting as a representative for a superior; usually used to refer to a parish priest
(Note: I knew the meaning of this, but wondered from when & where it originated. According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, it was first used around the year 1300 and comes from Old French.)

4. Falderal - nonsense refrain in songs (circa 1701)

5. Reticule - a drawstring handbag or purse

6. Ducking chair – a strong wooden chair attached to a seesaw in which a person was placed for the purpose of being submerged in a body of water for punishment; a variation on a cucking stool

7. Pillory – from 1274; a punishment device made of wooden or metal framework on a post, with holes for securing the head and hands, similar to the stocks

8. Mercenary – from 14th century; one who works only for hire or pay
(I knew this one as well, but the context in which it was used made me wonder if there was an alternate meaning. If so, I haven’t found one.)

9. Comfits – sugarplums; from around 1334, from the Old French word confite, which was taken from the Latin confectum, meaning confection

10. Wricked – twisted, turned; sprained; or a painful spasm especially in the neck or back

11. Livery – a household allowance of any kind to retainers or servants
(Most historical books use this term to refer to a stable or place of business where one could rent or board a horse, buggy, or carriage. I find it interesting how that meaning evolved from the original meaning.)

12. Grotty - slang used mostly in British as a shortened form of grotesque

13. Paragon - from 1548; a model or pattern of excellence; (again, the etymology is interesting)

14. Battledore - a small racquet used with a shuttlecock to play a game similar to modern badminton
(Personally, I think “battledore” is so much cooler-sounding than “racquet.”)

15. Dotage - circa 1300; originally referred to all sorts of mental impairment, but in the late 14th century began to refer mainly to senility or mental issues related to old age

16. Patrician - a noun used to refer to a member of the ancient Roman noble order; most of the uses I’ve seen use it as an adjective, usually referring to a person’s features (e.g., “a patrician nose”) and is meant as a compliment to say that the person’s looks are noble or aristocratic

17. Abigail – a proper name from the Old Testament; used as a common noun to refer to a lady’s maid or handmaid, apparently based on a character from a play in the early 1600s

18. Syllabub - a traditional English dessert usually made from rich milk or cream seasoned with sugar and lightly curdled with wine or cider

19. Widgeon - a type of migratory wild duck; uncertain origin

20. Tippet – from what I can tell, a sort of shawl; “a covering for the shoulders, with long ends that hang in front”

21. Pelisse – a specific sort of military jacket, later used as inspiration for long, fitted coats for women

22. Primrose – from prima rosa, meaning “first rose,” because it blooms early in the spring
(I knew what a primrose was, but wondered how it got its name.)

23. Fichu - from 1803 meaning “carelessly thrown on”; later used in the 18th century as a noun to refer to a large, square kerchief worn to fill in the low neckline of a bodice

24. Bombazine - a fabric originally made of silk or silk and wool, but now also made from cotton and wool, or just wool; prior to the 20th century, black bombazine was considered appropriate for a woman in mourning, when she would wear only black for a period of up to 4 years after the death of a loved one or relative (or a loved one who was also a relative, or a relative who was also a loved one)

25. Fowling piece – a shotgun

26. Vociferously - manner of speaking characterized with shouting, yelling, or great energy & determination (it appears to be closely related to vehemently)

I do not believe that love just happens. I believe that it is a choice. I think that we’ve all grown up with our princess stories and romance novels and have been led to believe that if a relationship requires effort, we’re doing it wrong, because love should just be. That’s a ridiculous notion – that love doesn’t require work. I think that love has to be a decision that is made every day, not just once. A couple of centuries ago, they would have laughed at us and our silly ideas. I highly doubt that Romeo & Juliet was a success in its time because it portrayed everyday life so well. Yet somehow, we’ve been taught that that kind of love and devotion is instantaneous and effortless, and that the moment things get hard, you bail, because if you have to work at it, it must not be True Love™. And maybe some people are okay with that, but personally, that’s not what I want out of life.

I most certainly do not want someone that “loves me for who I am,” because frankly, I’m a real pain. I’m selfish and whiny, and sometimes lazy; I bite my nails, have acne scars, and when it comes to PMS, I often wish I could run away from myself. The kind of man who loves that is probably not the kind of man I want to be around for the rest of my life, because I don’t want to be the same person forever. What I want is someone who sees who I am, understands the person I want to become, and cares about both enough to stick around and be part of the transformation process. I’m not looking for the perfect man, because he doesn’t exist any more than the perfect woman does. We are all flawed. What I want is a man who understands that, and is committed to creating the kind of love God intends for us. I don’t want to marry someone who believes divorce is an option, because I refuse to consider it as an option for myself. I believe that affection begins with respect, and that I would rather marry a person I respect but am not attracted to than someone I am attracted to but don’t respect. Attraction is great, but I believe love exists independently from it, not because of it. I think whoever came up with “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is full of it, because the way I see it, love is a constant give-and-take, a constant state of apology, a constant reminder that life is not all about you.

Finally, I believe that when God feels that I am prepared enough to share my heart and my life with someone else, He’ll let me know, and in the meantime, I won’t waste my time looking for something and someone I’m not ready for.

Pining for the Fjords

Spandau Ballet

Bocuse d’Or

It’s a boy: Zoo tortoise reveals mistaken identity

Hymn Studies – “How Beautiful Heaven Must Be”

Ektar

When a llama attacks! A true North Texas story of survival

Lazaretto

words containing vex

The Telephone: Beep Line (dated October 18, 1963)

Paint Your Own Cow

Bacon Flavored Toothpicks

Cambyses’ Lost Army: Found at Last?

Vet School 2.0: Stick Your Hand Up a Virtual Cow Butt

Transient Recovery Voltage

Does milk make mucus worse?

Can the Snood Save Christmas?

How do I even hear about this stuff?

Q: Martin has a marginal tax rate of 25 percent. He suddenly realizes that he neglected to include a $1,770 tax credit. How would his taxes be affected?

A: That depends. Did Martin already file his taxes? If so, he screwed himself out of nearly $450. Martin should be more careful, or let his wife do the taxes.

If Martin hasn’t yet filed his taxes, he can chill, because he didn’t “neglect” to include anything, and if he can manage to keep his mouth shut, his wife will never know he almost screwed them out of nearly $450.

This is why I hate multiple choice questions. They never include choices that match what I want to answer.

Everyone should really get off Susan’s back. I think she’s doing the best she can. I mean, really, if you only have one talent, and you do everything you can to excel at it, and everyone is constantly belittling you and telling you how lazy you are – how do you think that would make you feel? Ever heard of a little thing called “self-fulfilling prophecy”? The monotony alone would be enough to drive a person crazy – just turning, day in, day out. Maybe sometimes she turns the wrong way, but I think given the circumstances, she deserves a bit of understanding. And maybe – just maybe – get up once in a while and reach for something on your own. You might have to move the salt shaker out of the way to get to the paprika, but trust me, it’ll be good for you. I’m beginning to think Susan isn’t the lazy one here.

First things first: I totally got this idea from Maggie Mason over at Mighty Girl. She’s super inspiring and creative and outgoing and funny and her life list, while nothing like the things I would like to accomplish “someday,” is inspiring if for no other reason than the fact that she has things crossed off, which means she’s working on it, slowly but surely.

So I was inspired to create my own list of “someday”s, and I’m a little hesitant to share the things I’ve come up with so far, but I’m going to anyway, and I really think you should start one too (and share it!). And so here are my first fifteen, in no particular order at all:

1. See the ocean (in person).
2. Start a conversation with a random stranger for no apparent reason.
3. Carve a pumpkin.
4. Document 100 cemeteries.
5. Get married.
6. Attend a concert.
7. Give anonymously.
8. Go roller skating with my mom.
9. Sing in a choir.
10. Visit a castle.
11. Pick strawberries.
12. Wear a long, flowing dress.
13. Connect someone with a lost friend or family member.
14. Own a used book store.
15. Have a photo taken of myself that I love.
16. Learn Latin.
17. Be more spontaneous.
18. Win a contest.
19. Visit Vienna, Austria.
20. Learn to cook (well).
21. Own a house with its own library.
22. Stock said library with vintage editions of favorite books.
23. Play silly games with my little sister.
24. Take a trip with just me & my dad.
25. Stop being so obsessive.
26. Change hair color.
27. Buy something (or things) completely impractical, just because I like it.
28. Visit the coast of North Carolina.
29. Order room service.
30. Ride a train.

to be continued…

I managed to avoid it for nine semesters, but things are getting down to the wire now. If all goes well, I’m set to graduate with my second degree next May, so when the time came that I had to schedule classes for this fall, I had to face it:

I’m required to take a communications class.

After a thorough look (or ten) to make sure I wasn’t missing some magical loophole that would get me out of it, I settled on taking the intimidatingly-named Interpersonal Communications – the goal being, of course, to avoid Basic Public Speaking at all costs.

We’ve only had a couple weeks of classes, but so far, things are not nearly as bad as I anticipated. The class is full of students just like me who are only there because of the terrifying fear of Basic Public Speaking. My professor is young, and friendly, and bubbly, and funny (in a good way). She’s still having issues pulling a lot of us out of our shells, but we’re getting there.

In spite of the fact that no one wants to talk, I’ve already starting learning some really helpful things about communication. Maybe I’ll be able to share some of the insights I come across here. I’ll start with one thing that my professor mentioned in passing yesterday, but that really captured my attention.

It’s called a gratitude journal. It doesn’t have to be a journal; it can be in whatever form you want it to be. No matter what, though, each night you write down five things that you are thankful for that day. They don’t have to be deep, they don’t have to be grand, they simply have to be things that you are thankful for. Maybe you’re thankful that you were able to steal 3 minutes alone in the bathroom while the kids were distracted. Maybe you’re thankful to be alive. Maybe you’re thankful that it’s almost bedtime. Or maybe you’re thankful for a Starbucks Caramel Frappucino. It doesn’t matter whether anyone else thinks your things are worthy, either. In this case, it’s all about you.

The thinking here is that if you do this every night, before long, you’ll find yourself looking throughout the day for those instances that you are thankful for, and your outlook will be more positive, and you will be more happy. It sounds so simple, but there are so many days when things just seem to be so blah, or outright horrible, and those 5 things can really take some thinking to come up with. But I really believe that this idea can work, and plan to make it a regular part of my day.