Jun
[This was written as an email reply to an early morning chat from my aunt.]
Hello! I am sorry to hear that you were stressed at such an early hour this morning. It turns out I was stressed at about the same time you were. However, rather than being kid-related, mine was from being awoken by the sounds of nature at 5:57 – if sounds of nature include the startlingly loud sounds of a cat retching, followed by his immediate run to the litter box (located in my bedroom for his convenience!) for an intense morning session of various sounds you don’t want to hear coming from an animal at the foot of your bed at 5:58 in the morning. (This litter box run is typical after he throws up, because unlike Good Things, everyone knows Cat Issues come in groups of two.)
So without getting into too much disgusting detail, suffice it to say that sometimes after a trip to the litter box, a long-haired, fluffy-tailed cat can run into some difficulties, primarily the one called Poop Where Poop Should Not Be. This generally entails (no pun intended) one person (usually me) corralling the cat into our tiny bathroom with plastic gloves and baby wipes. Then said person (who just woke up moments before and is trying to do what needs to be done while letting as little light into her eyes as possible, in hopes that More Sleep may yet be attainable) must use one hand to lightly scratch the cat on his back, dangerously near the (appropriately-named) Danger Zone, in order to convince the cat against his will to lift up his Hind End so cleaning can commence. (Later, recalling the look on the cat’s face during this stage will be extremely humorous, as he is generally very unwilling to lift up his Hind End but is betrayed by his Cat Instincts, which direct him to lift up his Hind End any time someone scratches that particular area of his back.)
After the Cleaning of the Hind End is finished, the cat slinks off to some corner of the house (for some reason, the kitchen floor is usually preferred) to be miffed, and to try and clean the baby wipe smell off (because as everyone knows, baby wipes are way worse than Poop Where Poop Should Not Be), leaving said person to clean up the Aftermath, all the while maintaining a pitiful amount of misguided belief that More Sleep may still be achievable.
So there is the story of my morning prior to the 6 o’clock hour. I hope several things. First, that you were not eating or drinking during the reading of it. Second, that you were entertained despite being disgusted. Third, that your day has by now already improved and things are going well. Fourth, that the rest of your day will be awesome and light-hearted and happy and entertaining and non-stressful and full of good things to eat (once you forget all about this email, of course).
With love,
She Who Was Not, Of Course, Able to Go Back to Sleep